Spirits

I found the spirit that I needed

It lifted me up from my chair.

Paused my breathing.

It was raw yet frigid,

Clawed at my throat.

Though it lacked weight

This drink helped me float.

It flowed in my glass- mirror

Image of myself looking back,

Fuzzy like my vision,

Blurred like my past.

To a witness in the bar they

See a fallen figure double down

Dousing fires in their soul

But the liquor burns them quicker,

Till the fire behind their eyes

 let’s you gaze into their hell.

I prayed I’d never do this:

Never follow a father,

Who preached Vatican titles,

Yet smothered his issues

in booze and substance abuse.

Then went to church the next day

and begged for his forgiveness,

who then came later anyway

continuing misuse.

I’m not a man of faith

But I will not be a liar

Ill pray to any god who’ll love me,

Stop me drinking

Like my father.

Valentines day xoxo

I hope you find a better man

I hope you love him more than you want to admit

I hope he whisks you away, hand in hand.

I bet he’ll give you joy that’s firm and true

I bet he’ll slip inside you, pleasures of a sinner

I bet he’ll put the drive in your dreams like a knight, shining ardour.

I hope he take you out for fancy dinners

I hope he takes you places in his fancy car

I hope you wait for his reply till midnight, then text him franticly till daylight.

I know you’ll think about him non-stop, his face runs through your brain, blinding motion

I know you’ll call him right after work, the thoughts seep everywhere, vast ocean

I know you’ll tell him how your feeling, how your heart with rapidity is beating blood around your chest if you cut a vein, the blood would gush out more emotion than you could ever hope to express.

I hope the phone glares in your face

I hope the ring runs on till you hang up

I hope your inbox becomes an empty place.

I want you to stay because you need him, no want

I want you to have arguments over the code to his phone

I want him to do wrong, then you love him more and love yourself less.

I hope when you see him you’re on edge

I hope when he sees you he looks away

I hope his voice will haunt your dreams, as it echoes “I love you” rhythmically.

I hope he dumps you through the phone

I hope you spend the nights alone

I hope your heart sinks low like the tears on your face.

I want you to bury your head in your pillow

I want you to bury your feelings to no avail

I want him to date a new bitch within a week.

I think about you every second.

Dedicated to jojo