I Hate feeling fucking nervous,
It makes me feel so fucking worthless,
While I know I don’t deserve it,
I still hurt from every word that,
leaves my lips.
Don’t ask me to picture the room naked,
Cause there still less exposed than I feel.
With their eyes scanning me like an animal,
Now I’m trapped in anxiety’s zoo.
With a snake round my throat,
Centipedes in my stomach,
A parrot in my head, mocking each word I’ve said.
So now I’m stuttering words,
Every pause is a panicking punch,
To the gut, brain and heart.
Especially the heart,
The heart that beats like a war drum,
While the brain screams for flight,
The gut tenses hard stopping bile from rising.
But I feel the burn of acid on my throat.
A crowd stares silently and my mouth hangs agape,
Sweat beads on my forehead my face glowing red,
My heads an abyss.
I want part the crowd aside,
A nervous Moses running with no pride,
With one personal commandment:
Thou shalt not speak
without feeling
Like the shit on the
shoe of men far worse than you.
Dash to a cubicle,
Lock myself in,
Curled like a foetus,
In womb of sadness.
Cause I don’t want to be fucking nervous.
I wish I didn’t feel so worthless,
I wish talking to a room hurt less,
I wish I could speak without making a mess.
